||[Aug. 5th, 2006|07:43 pm]
The talk with Connor really did go better then I expected. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but this wasn’t really it. I was still picturing this angry boy who was ready to kill me if needed. He seemed calm enough, ready to move on and get out of there. I think I may have gotten through to him somewhat. I hope.
When we came home, the girls were in their room playing. Lindsey said he was going to get rid of the suit and take a shower because that place always made him feel dirty. When I walked into the girls room they were quickly to tell me that Aunty Mommy Cordy had been floating, they ‘totally’ didn’t like the neighbors from across and was Mommy Aunty Cordy okay?
Deduction: Cordelia had a vision, she took the kids to the neighbors and went out *alone* to fight this bloody demon!
When I stormed off to the bathroom however to have a few words with her about that, I was brought to a screeching halt by some very…err…familiar sounds. The kinds of sounds you don’t hear often here but one has heard enough to recognize.
Cordelia was in the bathroom and I recalled Lindsey saying that he was going to take a shower.
I knew they had their talk, considering the fact that Lindsey wouldn’t shut up about when we drove over to the prison, but that this would mean that they’d be able to move onto the next stage so fast…
I just backed away from the door feeling slightly hurt for a reason I couldn’t put my finger on. Sure, I’d been in love with Cordelia longer the Lindsey. And sure Lindsey was my boyfriend first. I was happy that they’d get… err…intimate so fast though, it was just what I wanted for the two people I love.
Just couldn’t help but think, what about me? Maybe they were afraid of my…uhm… unnatural parts? Maybe Lindsey hadn’t been telling the truth when he apologized for laughing so hard about it when I told him? Cordelia *is* an actress.
I’m getting paranoid again.
They’re moving to the next stage, this is a happy thing. They just need time to… do the same with me. I guess. Hope. God, I hope so. Maybe they just need to get used to the idea? Maybe Lindsey isn’t used to men? Maybe Cordelia feels awkward because we were friends first?
Maybe they do see me as not whole.
Okay, I need to stop this. Now. Go and take the girls to the play ground on the next block when it’s still light out. Get some fresh air.
Errr, Cordy? Linds? I’m taking the girls to the small play ground at the end of the street, just around the corner? It’s still light out so we should take advantage of it. Just yell if you uh… need me. Or anything. No rush, take your time and… I’ll be going now.